PTSD is a serious mental health condition that a traumatic event can trigger. It can cause a variety of symptoms, including flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety. When someone you care about has PTSD it can be overwhelming and confusing for all parties involved. As someone who is diagnosed with PTSD, I want to share some hurtful mistakes others commonly make while trying to help me. By knowing what things not to say to someone with PTSD you’ll be able to avoid a lot of uncomfortable situations and ensure that you’re loved one feels safe and understood when speaking with you.
What Not To Say
1.”It’s All In Your Head”
This one still shocks me every single time. I know it’s in my head, that is quite literally the whole entire problem. PTSD is about experiencing symptoms due to an event that occurred in the past. I have the ability to rationalize that the danger is “in my head” however I still have no ability to control the way I feel. My brain and body still feel as though I’m in crisis.
Pointing out to someone with PTSD that their problem is “in their head” is not only highly insensitive but also completely ineffective. All you’re doing is pointing out the obvious while simultaneously belittling them and making them feel as though they are choosing to suffer.
2. “You’re So Strong”
I fully understand that this one is very well intended but nonetheless, it is harmful. Often times what individuals with PTSD choose to portray on the outside doesn’t match the suffering they’re experiencing within. Telling someone that their PTSD makes them strong can make them feel as though they need to keep a strong front.
On top of that people forget that for those with PTSD being strong isn’t truly a choice but rather something that was forced on them. When you have PTSD you don’t really have a choice, you must be strong to survive.
3.” That happened to me too and I got over it”
Any form of comparison when it comes to trauma is extremely damaging. The fact that one person was able to “get over it” is completely irrelevant to the other person. Trauma affects people in different ways, and not all people who go through trauma will develop PTSD. Many different factors lead to the development of PTSD. According to The National Institute Of Mental Health
- Living through dangerous events and traumas
- Getting hurt
- Seeing another person hurt, or seeing a dead body
- Childhood trauma
- Feeling horror, helplessness, or extreme fear
- Having little or no social support after the event
- Dealing with extra stress after the event, such as the loss of a loved one, pain and injury, or loss of a job or home
- Having a history of mental illness or substance abuse
These are all risk factors for PTSD.
{Related Post-10 Confusing Feelings And Habits Of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors]
4.”Think More Positively”
To a trauma survivor, this remark is basically the same as saying “it isn’t okay to feel what you’re feeling”. When you have PTSD you can’t control the thoughts and images that pop up in your mind and telling someone to think positively will usually just bring up even more negative feelings and may even lead to dissociation.
And as a matter of a fact, a crucial part of trauma recovery is processing and giving space for the so-called “negative” thoughts and feelings. You can’t progress if you sweep problems under the rug, and by saying this you’d be harming your loved one’s recovery.
5.”You’re Just Overreacting”
Minimizing their experience is a coping mechanism, often used by themselves as well as the people around them. I know you may want to believe that “it’s not a big deal” or “there just overreacting” but honestly that can’t be farther from the truth. Because post-traumatic stress disorder isn’t something that can always be seen by the naked eye people tend to believe it’s exaggerated or even imaginary. However just because you can’t see it, does not mean it isn’t there.
People with PTSD go through so much on a daily basis, including unwanted memories and flashbacks, intense mood swings and emotional reactions, night terrors, constant fear and anxiety and so much more. Minimizing what they’re going through is extremely rude and may even make them blame themselves for something that is completely out of their control.
6.”Aren’t You Over It By Now?”
There is no timeline for healing from PTSD. Some may take weeks to heal while others take months or even years. Some studies suggest that about one-third of people with PTSD still experience symptoms 10 years after their initial diagnosis.
There are different components that influence the length of the healing process. These include the severity of the trauma, the age at which it took place, emotional resilience, professional treatment, and support from friends and family.
{Related Post-7 Things People With PTSD Want You To Know}
7.”You Used To Be So…”
Trauma changes people. Sometimes its effects can be temporary and other times they are permanent. According to Psychology Today, Some unpleasant experiences produce permanent changes in the brain and corresponding shifts in intelligence, emotional reactivity, happiness, sociability, and other traits that used to be thought of as set for life.
I remember that when I first developed PTSD I was reminded by others all the time how changed I was and how they missed “the old” me. I was missing the person I used to be as well and being reminded of that left me grief-stricken. It also made me feel as though I wasn’t enough the way I was and I felt immensely guilty for changing, even though it was entirely out of my control.
8.”Maybe You Need To Try A Bit Harder”
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder drains you completely and sometimes even merely surviving is the best you can do. Dealing with your trauma takes up most, if not all of your mental capacity, and you’re left with no energy for doing anything else.
This is a very judgmental remark that will make your loved one feel as though you have very little compassion or understanding for what they are going through.
9.”Why Didn’t You Say Anything?”
A lot of trauma survivors wait a very long time before opening up about a traumatic experience. They often fear they’ll get blamed, and carry a lot of shame or guilt for what happened to them. In addition, trauma tends to be difficult to talk about. Sometimes even bringing it up will cause flashbacks and other distressing symptoms.
It might also take someone a while to understand what they went through due to denial.
{Related Post-The Truth About Living With PTSD On The Bad Days}
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