Supporting someone struggling with an anxiety disorder can be very confusing. You may want to be helpful and supportive but instead, you come off looking judgmental and dismissive. As someone who has anxiety, I’ve been given unhelpful and hurtful advice from loved ones while struggling countless times. These are my top tips on what not to say to someone with anxiety.
5 Things Not To Say To Someone With Anxiety
1.” Stop Worrying”
That’s the whole fucking point, if we could we would. Saying this phrase won’t magically change a thing. All this does is make us feel judged and misunderstood. Anxiety is a very real mental disorder, like every other and nobody chooses to struggle with it. Remarks like these make us feel as though our struggles are overlooked.
Telling us to “stop worrying” is useless. Instead, try to shift our energy to something else, validate our feelings, and give us space to talk about our struggles.
2. “I Also Get Anxious”
This phrase honestly drives me crazy. This is not only one of the worst things to say, not only to people with anxiety but to all people with mental illnesses. You may understand certain feelings we experience but you do not understand the intensity with which we feel them. Of course, we all have our struggles but you also need to understand that living with anxiety is living with a consistent internal battle in your head. It interferes with our day-to-day life and in certain cases and situations the anxiety takes over to the point where we can’t think or feel anything but the anxiety. It is not an occasional struggle but a consistent, daily battle. When comforting someone with anxiety try to understand that honestly you can’t understand their struggle and that is okay. Just accept that even if you don’t understand it that it isn’t any less real or valid.,
3.” Stop Being Dramatic”
People with anxiety often struggle with fears that may seem unlogical or dramatic in comparison to the situation at hand. When it takes over it can consume a person and they are not “being dramatic”, the fear and anxiety are very real and intense. Saying this phrase undermines and invalidates our struggle. By saying that we are being dramatic all you achieve is making us feel unheard and guilty for emotions and thoughts we can’t control. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and open up. After saying this phrase to a person they probably won’t feel comfortable coming to you with their struggles once again. Believe me, we have enough internal guilt and even hatred due to our anxiety, we know how irrational it can be but some things are just not in our control.
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4.”Don’t Overthink It”
Anxiety doesn’t really give you a choice but to overthink. It is a never-ending cycle, you always find something new to worry about. Trying not to overthink will just make a person with anxiety overthink even more. You’d be shocked by the number of times I’ve triggered my anxiety by thinking about trying to stop overthinking. On top of that many of those struggling with anxiety disorders also deal with chronic worrying, so honestly, in no way can this phrase be of any use or help to an individual with anxiety.
5. “People Have It Worse”
Now I understand where people who say this are coming from. This phrase can be an effort to try and help the other person put things in perspective and have a more positive outlook on the situation. Still saying this to a person struggling with anxiety can do a lot of harm. We know that “people have it worse” but as I’ve mentioned our anxiety is not a choice. The fact that there are other people struggling or maybe even struggling more than us does not take away from our struggle. Drowning under 5 feet of water isn’t any less drowning than under 20 feet.
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