There is no denying that a BPD favorite person relationship is a complicated one. However, if you’re willing to be patient and put in the work you can most definitely keep a healthy, balanced relationship with your favorite person. 
I know how hard it can be to keep a BPD favorite person relationship healthy with all the obsessive thoughts, feelings, behaviors, splitting, and jealousy. These types of connections tend to be very intense and trigger our fear of abandonment to a new extreme.
I’ve had several fps over the years and honestly, most of my relationships with them(whether platonic or romantic) were short-lived, toxic, and ended with either me or both of us drowning. When I realized that my current partner had become my “favorite person” I finally made a decision that I would do whatever it takes to keep our relationship healthy.
It took a lot of therapy, uncomfortable conversations, research, and patience but I can confidently say that I have a healthy relationship with my favorite person. It is far from perfect, and I still have a lot of work to do but I am very proud of the place we are in.
This Post Is All About Keeping A BPD Favorite Person Relationship Healthy
5 Ways To Keep a BPD Favorite Person Relationship Healthy
1. Communication
Healthy and effective communication is something many people struggle with in relationships. Though, with BPD this struggle can be heightened. You may continuously sweep problems under the rug and stay quiet when your feelings have been hurt or a boundary has been crossed due to your fear of abandonment. You may fear expressing your feelings will jeopardize the relationship. But honestly, it’s actually the other way around, not expressing your concerns will often result in splitting. Splitting is considered a defense mechanism by which people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can view people, events, or even themselves in all-or-nothing terms.
The “little things” you keep to yourself may build up and you’ll end up seeing your favorite person in a completely negative light. You may end up saying or doing things in this triggered state that you don’t necessarily agree with. Try to notice when you are hurt or triggered by your favorite person and communicate it as soon as you can in an effective manner. Don’t forget that in order for healthy communication to exist both parties need to actively listen as well. So, make sure to hear out your favorite person and be aware that they too have feelings, issues, needs and boundaries.
2. Learn Your BPD Triggers and Needs
In my opinion, this is essential not only for BPD relationships but for managing your disorder in general. Not only should you learn your triggers but you should also understand what you need from your favorite person, and others when triggered. You can address your triggers and needs with your favorite person and that way they will better how to accommodate you. I know it depends on how close you guys are and the type of dynamic you have but if possible I definitely recommend explaining what a BPD favorite person is to them.
Sometimes getting triggered is inevitable and some things must be said or done, but both parties being aware can help keep triggers to a minimum. And even when they do happen, through support and understanding they will become less intense. I know identifying your triggers can be tricky so these are some common things that trigger some people with BPD:
- Being intentionally ignored
- Yelling
- Changes in plans
- Sex
- Broken Promises
- Perceived Abandonment
- Being accused of lying
- Being Told to “calm down” or that “it’s not a big deal”(getting invalidated in general)
- Being interupted\talked over
- Change in tone
- And More.
3. Separate Life
For many people, this is one of the hardest parts of having a favorite person. You finally have someone you feel safe and comfortable with. Someone you can breathe around and life doesn’t always suck when you are with them. You think of them constantly and there is nothing you want to do more than spend every waking second with them. However, the more you neglect other parts of your life the more dependent you become on your favorite person for happiness and emotional security.
Instead of losing yourself in the relationship and spending all your free time with them and the rest overthinking about them, make yourself your number one priority. The more you take time to grow outside of the relationship, the more you are able to grow in the relationship. I know this is much easier said than done but no matter how much you want to, do not make the mistake of letting go of other relationships and hobbies. Keep yourself busy and make sure to have goals outside of your favorite person relationship. For me, I find making plans with my favorite person ahead of time helps me stay focused on other tasks. That way I’m less likely to overthink about the next time I see them and keep healthy boundaries.
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4. Reach Out To Others For Support
When you have BPD, oftentimes your favorite person becomes your main source of emotional support and validation. Whenever you are struggling you instantly want to reach out to them for comfort. Reaching out to others when in need of support is not a bad thing, but when you constantly reach out to the same person it can make both parties feel uncomfortable. It can be overwhelming for your favorite person to support you with every life problem while handling their own struggles. And it may also make you feel needy and lonely whenever they are not able to help you and may even trigger your fear of abandonment.
This is not to say that reaching out to your favorite person for support is not okay. But in my opinion, it is important to keep some sort of balance and not solely rely on one person as a support system. So remember to work on creating and maintaining additional meaningful relationships. That way you will feel more comfortable reaching out to others for support.
5. Forgiveness
Having a favorite person relationship dynamic is tricky, lines will get crossed and feelings will get hurt. It’s not about having a perfect relationship or getting it right every single time. It’s about putting in the work, being self-aware, and understanding where things went wrong so you can do better next time. Accept the fact that no relationship or person is perfect. Neither of you will always say or do the right thing.
Learn not only to forgive your favorite person but also to practice self-forgiveness. BPD nor any other mental health disorder does not excuse bad behavior. However, making mistakes does not make you a bad person or make a relationship toxic. As long as you are willing to take accountability and work towards bettering yourself it’s okay to slip up sometimes.
This Post Was All About How To Keep A BPD Favorite Person Relationship Healthy
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