Everything was fine
Completely and utterly fine until about 5 minutes ago
My PTSD loves to sneak up on me like that
I want to scream.
No, I actually need to cry.
Both?
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. Please stop asking.”
Hands.
I feel his hands on my body
I can’t breathe
Yes I can
No
Shut up
Trigger
Did I just trigger myself?
What the fuck.
I see it happening.
NO
I feel like I’m about to explode
I want to slap myself across the face.
Stop being dramatic you’re fine
Did anything ever happen to me?
Am I attention-seeking?
Shit, I’m shaking.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Let’s try counting:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9
Okay, I got this. Let’s try grounding techniques. I’ll start by patting down my arms. My head hurts. Breathe in. Breathe out. Stop. Stop. I can’t take it. Yes, you can. I’m fine, I’m safe. Music. Let’s try music. Okay, I’ll lie down and try to focus on saying the words of the song. Okay, I’m a bit better. Breathe. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.
I hate this. Why. No, don’t start again stay focused on breathing. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe. Let’s try to get up and do some more grounding.
I’m going to be okay.
A random PTSD episode that began while trying to write a completely different blog post. Thought I should share just in case someone can relate.
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